Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Fire shooting in the air, jet fuel leaking on the jungle floor. Twenty-five light years away from Earth and our transport ship is imbedded five hundred feet into the crust of Fomalhaut. The last fifty years of our civilization was hell, nuclear war and pollution was anything but fun. Russia sent fifty nuclear missiles to Antarctica to raise the sea level to drown out Washington D.C. Our planet has been polluted with carbon dioxide from vehicles for the past two-hundred years and our planet was f***ed to all end. It took twenty years to create a transport ship to take the population of the United States twenty five light years away to the closest inhabitable planet. Cryogenic pods and hyperspace drives made so that ship traveled that distance in one year. That year has passed and now the population of the United States is surrounded by the indigenous species or Fomalhaut, the Nooblarg. As the transport ship began crashing, evacuation pods with Special Operations soldiers were jettisoned around the crash site to defend it.
One of the evacuation pods landed six miles away from the crash site. The contents of the pod included Captain John Price, Staff Sergeant Forrest Gump, and Private James Ryan.
"Where the f*** are we?", shouted Cpt.Price with ringing ears,
"UAV tells us that were 10 clicks from crash site", answered SSgt. Gump.
The squad started heading towards the crash site, step by step. The plant life on this planet, so vivid and fluorescent, was unbelieveable. They heard large howls that they definitely knew that were not from any animal on this planet. Leaves started crunching around them when they stopped moving, and shadows were visible against the jungle floor.
"I don't like the sound of this dude, there is some bad mojo going on here", SSgt. Gump exclaimed.
"Ditto", replied Pvt. Ryan.
More and more thrashing was heard, and Cpt. Price was getting nervous. Cpt. Price began moving faster and faster by the second. Nearly smacking the rest of his squad in the face as he pulled back each sapling to make way for the juggernaut that he was. More running was heard, and it definitely wasn't the squad, along with the distant voices of the indigenous species. They sounded like they had a Norwegian accent and spoke a language that they could easily understand to their disbelief.
"Follow them before they get away! Interrogate the outsiders!", the horde shouted.
"We, are, screwed", Cpt. Price said to himself, as they all ran full speed ahead, traveling at half a click an hour.
As they ran forward, they could see a beam of light come at them from the direction they were heading to, almost a doorway of light. They came closer and closer as they realized that it was a dead end that led off to a five-hundred foot waterfall. Pvt. Ryan pulled the pin from a smoke grenade and threw it behind him with no remorse, it was evident that fire could not be created in this region of Fomalhaut. They stopped abruptly, thinking that the smoke was in fact a poisonous gas when it was actually made of the ignition of certain minerals. Smoke is used to obscure the vision of enemies in modern combat, but the gullible Nooblargs thought it would hurt them. This gave enough time for the squad to figure out what to do. The Nooblargs were wanton firing through the smoke, wastrels to their own supplies, and hit both Pvt. Ryan in the leg and SSgt. Gump was KIA from a gunshot wound directly to the left temple. Cpt. Price could hear enemy infantry moving in by the thousands, as they thought this was reconnaissance from a neighboring tribe.
The Nooblargs were ugly creatures, resembling golems, but purple and green. They were the slightly less intimidating version of Barney the Dinosaur, running as if they were drunk and had a few piece of rebar stuck in their legs. They were about seven feet tall, a formidable adversary of Yao Ming.
The Nooblargs weaponry was unparalled to anything they had ever seen. Their weapon systems were infallable, barely capable of jamming when fired. The form of ammunition was kinetic energy, a form of energy not capable of seeing, but in this case it was visible because it propelled dark matter that had the characteristics of tracer rounds. They had a similar design to the humanity's weapons, despite the fact that the Nooblarg's rifles had internal magazines.
Though their weaponry was superior, their tactics lacked precision. They had the usual rudimentary hand signals 'Hold, Advance, Fire, Retreat', but no specifics so whatever they needed to do was shouted and easily heard by the squad. Their "captains" and their incorrigible squads weren't tactical enough to surprise a cow. Maybe it was the captain's fault since the obsequious squad took orders from him, and those orders werent exactly clear.
"Pvt. Ryan is injured and SSgt. Gump is KIA, waiting for orders sir!", Price yelled anxiously into the field radio.
"Do what you can, do anything necessary to bring Pvt. Ryan back to the mothership", General Patreus ordered, "We need minimal casualties".
The radio signal immediately turned into garble, and was quickly disposed of. Cpt. Price quickly administered a dose of morphine to quell Ryan's pain, but proved to turn Pvt. Ryan into dead weight. Price thought fast and pulled of his digital watch, turned on the alarm and set it to 'Project time' mode. He threw it into the smoke to distract the enemies. He remembered that he had a protoype energy bridge on him and deployed it across the deep chasm. As he ran, he made sure to turn it off and take it so they could not cross. To the Nooblargs, it seemed like an impasse. Cpt. Price was a paragon of Elite Soldiers and as hardy as a lumberjack. He ran with Pvt. Ryan in a fireman's carry for five hours. He told himself that if he could make it the next three clicks that he could make it to the transport ship and release the rest of the United States Army. Time flew and before he knew it he could hear enemy reinforcements come from the east. He was almost there, so he pushed harder and harder to go as fast as he could. Being in the military for thirty years was no joke. The transport ship was in sight, he ran down to the end of the ship, the shiny red button in sight.
"Deploy armed forces, hmm sounds like a plan.", exclaimed Price sarcastically.
A loud whirring noise began and he could hear the millions of footsteps race frantically out of the cargo bay door. They set a bolstered the ship, feeling like the future of humanity rested in their hands. It actually does.
"This ought to give me the congressional medal of honor", Price mumbled,"and Pvt. Ryan a couple thousand purple hearts"
Enemy fire proceeded to hit the transport craft, making barely dents in the space age aluminum frame. The marines proceeded to clear the area with their weapons in a scythe motion, trying to conserve the little ammo they had on short notice. Thousands of enemy troops were whittled down to the hundreds, until nothing but piles of bodies where left surrounding the ship. A new life started, and hopefully a better one on this planet.



  1. 1. The conflict of the story is both internal and external. The external conflict is the resistance they face when they land. The internal conflict is the determination to continue running after hours of running.

    2.The carachters didn't eem to change during the sotry. they had the same out look on what they were doing and why they were doing it.

    3.The climax of the story is when they first land and start getting attacked by the indiguous species. The fight gets pretty intense and Gump dies.

    4.The best quality of the story is the detail and description of the jungle and planet the US has to fight through. IT helps me picture the scenes well.

    5.The theme of the story is never give up. If they had given up they would have died and never met up with the rest of the army.

    6.One thing i would change is fixing teh ending a little more so it doesn't just end liek it does now. Otherwise it is a very well written story.

  2. Vocab Words

  3. The conflict of the story is that the transport ship crashes and a squad is sent out to investigate the planet for dangers or other items that may endanger the people on the ship. The conflict is a external conflict because it is between the Nooblargs and the tactical force. It was resolved by escaping the Nooblargs and getting back to the transport ship with the injured Pvt. Ryan. I was a little invested in the resolution of the conflict. It could have been a little more dramatic if there were more details in the fighting at the end of the story.
    The protagonist changes by being a little scared to being brave and carrying the injured Pvt. Ryan five clicks to the transport ship. This change is important because then Pvt. Ryan probably would of died. The story would have been different if Pvt. Ryan died because then Capt. Price of have been sad for letting one of his own die. My favorite part of this story is when the Nooblargs are described as a equal to Barney and Yao Ming. It occurred in the rising action. “The Nooblargs were ugly creatures, resembling golems, but purple and green. They were the slightly less intimidating version of Barney the Dinosaur, running as if they were drunk and had a few piece of rebar stuck in their legs. They were about seven feet tall, a formidable adversary of Yao Ming.”

    The description of the setting was the tale’s best quality. Jon uses detailed words wisely to vividly describe the setting. I couldn’t figure out the theme of the story.

    Jon should watch for punctuation errors and grammar mistakes. I noticed a few of errors in punctuation throughout the short story.