Friday, September 11, 2009

An Ironic Reunion

Briar Rose, Rebecca Berlin, A Child Called It, Cabot Street- Holyoke

Rebecca was walking down Cabot Street on a snowy, New England night. The roads were brown with sand scooped away with last night’s snow. Slosh lie in potholes interspersed along the road. She wore an old brown trench coat she had bought five years ago.
“Finally, an ending to the story of Gemma”, Rebecca said to herself.
Ever since Rebecca had lost Gemma she had an all new take on life. She had been even more sympathetic than she had been before. Ever since Gemma passed, she had always given change to the needy, reading books to kids at the local library, and even helping her neighbor bring in the groceries.
While walking down the street, Rebecca had encountered a teenager, maybe fourteen or fifteen, walking up the street alone. He wore shabby clothes with holes in them, and a thin fall jacket. It looked like it barely kept him warm. The one thing he lacked was shoes, and you could tell by the color of his feet, which was a deep reddish-purple.
Rebecca stopped to ask, “Why are you alone? And what’s your name kid?”
“My name is Dave Pelzer.” The teen replied
Rebecca reached into the depths of her brain, his last name had sounded familiar. The name had been the last name of Gemma’s other daughter, Catherine.
She asked the boy politely, “Is your mother’s name Catherine?”
There was a short pause, and Dave replied, “Yes! How did you know?”
“My aunt’s name is Catherine Roerva Pelzer, you must be my cousin!”
Dave’s smile had broadened, since he had just heard that he had other family besides his abusive mother. He had been surprised because Rebecca was so nice and sympathetic of his current status.
“Why are your clothes so worn and ripped, dear?” Rebecca asked with a worried look on her face.
“I have just escaped the grips of my mother, she was horrifyingly abusive. She has done things to me that she wouldn’t even do to a fly.” Dave responded sadly.
Their conversation ran deep, especially about Dave’s abuse at home. Once Dave had told the whole story, Rebecca was disgusted by the acts Aunt Catherine had committed to Dave. Rebecca wanted to learn how she could help, but Dave wanted to talk more to her long-lost cousin.
Once Rebecca had learned about Dave’s life, she compared it to the Holocaust. She couldn’t believe that Dave was referred to as “A Child Called It”. Rebecca never realized that hate of this magnitude had still existed, and Rebecca began to break down into tears.
“Why are you crying? You shouldn’t be crying, this doesn’t affect you at all!” Dave responded.
“My grandmother, Gemma, I loved her so much. She recently passed away and I guess your path and her path are alike. She was in a holocaust death camp, Chelmno and escaped. I compared your story to her story. She called it the story of “Briar Rose””, Rebecca explained.
“I guess in a way your right” Dave had agreed
“Lets get you some new clothes, something to eat, and some sleep”, Rebecca had said wholeheartedly. They walked down Cabot Street, both happy to know that their lives had merged together

4 comments:

  1. the essay was good, the descriptions are well done. although I think it would be better elongated.

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  2. “A Child Called It”. A small punctuation error, the period should be in front of the quotation mark. Another thing as well, you stated that all he had no other family besides his mother, but wasn't there a few points where some other relatives had visited the Pezler family during the book. This was very discriptive and the setting was nicely worded, but how did David get into the same town as Rebecca? All in all, it was a nicely put together essay.

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  3. 1. My first reaction to the story was wow, i cant believe David walked all the way from California. Otherwise I liked the story.

    2.The conversations seamed normal, although they are short in parts.The dialog is also what i would expect from the two characters.

    3.My favorite piece of dialog would ahve to be “I have just escaped the grip of my mother, she was horrifyingly abusive. She has done stuff to me that she wouldn’t even do to a fly" because it's very descriptive.

    4."“My grandmother, Gemma, I loved her so much. She recently passed away and I guess your path and her path are alike. She was in a death camp and escaped. I compared your story to her story. She called it the story of “Briar Rose””, Rebecca explained.
    “I guess in a way your right” Dave had agreed" at this point in the store i was lost and uninterested. in beginning was very good but this seamed to drop off with the excitement and detail.

    5.One piece of advise for you in your next story you should continue to use detail throughout the story instead of ending the excitement in the last paragraph. otherwise i cannot think of anything else at the moment

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  4. When i read this story, i felt happy and sad. I felt happy because they both were dealing with problems but now they had a friend to share them with. I also was sad to learn that Rebecca's beloved grandmother had died and
    Dave was being brutally abused. When i read this, i could see two lonely kids walking down a dark, snowy street getting to know that they were related. It made me think about how lucky i am to have a peaceful home and good clothes to put on everyday.

    The conversation between Rebecca and Dave seemed very real. The conversations were descriptive and informative. The dialogue told us a lot about the characters itself. Also, in the conversation between characters i like how you showed their emotion by adding certain punctuation. Overall, i enjoyed reading the dialogue between the main characters.

    My favorite part of the story was when rebecca asked why his clothes were torn. "I have just escaped the grips of my mother, she was horrifyingly abusive. She has done things to me that she wouldn’t even do to a fly,” dave replied. The quote was very informative and descriptive. Also, i like how he compared Dave with a fly to show how they are treated differently. The quote stood out to me because it was descriptive and i enjoy readinf descriptive pieces the most.

    When writing future essays, i think you should stick to this writing format. I liked how you spreaded out the dialogue so it wasn't too bunched up. Also, the vocabulary stood out to me. Good word usage is important so you can be more informative when describing or explaining things. Overall, i liked reading your story and i think you did a good job!

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